Keys to Accepting Feedback
I’ve received numerous trainings on how to give negative feedback, but few on how to accept it. In reality, the ability to accept negative feedback is an essential quality of effective leadership. It’s true. Feedback is a gift that should be received with gratitude. It offers opportunities for personal growth and development. A leader who knows how to accept feedback will cultivate an environment where trust and continuous improvement flourish.
It’s also a reality that not all leaders handle negative feedback well.
I had a conversation with someone who worked for a leader who had a glaring blind spot. Let’s call her Susan. Susan did not know how to accept negative feedback on a new venture she was pursuing. The impact was significant and stunted the progress of their company. Susan was the CEO.
Those on Susan’s leadership team who were courageous enough to give her the feedback were met with excuses, and they themselves were criticized for their “lack of alignment to the vision.” The company was still profitable when my friend, who was the Chief Financial Officer, shared the situation with me, but their profitability was quickly evaporating.
Like Susan, a leader who doesn’t accept feedback well will be out of touch with their organization and will create an environment of distrust and poor communication.
The importance of Accepting Feedback
There is a way to give negative feedback that makes it constructive. Some feedback givers choose differently. However, whether the feedback is being shared by a textbook approach or not, we are in control of our reaction to the feedback.
The most effective leaders know how to accept feedback. They also know that accepting the feedback simply means they are gracious and appreciative. It does not mean they agree or will take any suggested action. Here are a few reasons why leaders must learn to accept negative feedback.
- Professional Growth and Development. Leaders who listen to feedback can make the necessary developmental changes to improve their skills and rate of success.
- Role-model Accountability. When a leader demonstrates the ability to accept negative feedback, their organization will see them as trustworthy and develop a culture of open communication.
- High Emotional Intelligence. Negative feedback challenges a leader’s emotions. The ability to accept negative feedback well increases Emotional Intelligence.
- Increased Self-Awareness. Accepting feedback is like checking a compass to confirm that you are heading in the right direction. It increases the awareness of any leadership blind spots or capability gaps that need improving.
Leaders need feedback and should be asking for it to ensure they are either on the right path or know what course correction to make.
How to Accept Feedback
Let’s face it. Some people make it hard for us to accept their feedback. It could be their abrasive approach, their improper timing, or some unhealthy motivation for sharing the feedback. Feedback that is more like a bad criticism is more difficult to swallow than one coming from a genuinely caring approach. Whether the method is good or bad, it’s wise to accept negative feedback and benefit from any nuggets.
Here are steps to accept negative feedback that help leaders maintain control of their path forward.
- Consider feedback as a gift to help your growth and development. If you have the opportunity, prepare yourself for it. Unsolicited and unexpected negative feedback is difficult to receive, partly because the surprise drives up your defenses. It then takes effort and intentionality to relax and regain control.
- Practice Active Listening. This includes your non-verbal communication. Take a moment to absorb the feedback before responding. This brief pause helps to maintain emotional control and minimizes the risk of firing back a defensive response.
- Check for understanding. Avoid making assumptions. Avoid cross-examination and challenging questions. Here’s a trick that works for me. If a piece of feedback stings, I reframe it into a less terrible-feeling way; maybe even make it sound funny. For example, if you tell me I write terribly, I may reply by saying, “You mean I write so much like a doctor that others can’t understand my scribbles?” This takes me many steps away from being defensive.
- Thank the person giving the feedback. Show genuine appreciation for the person who is taking the time to provide feedback. This is especially important if you sense the person had to use extra courage to share it with you. It’s hard to thank someone and push back on them at the same time.
- Share your next steps. It’s helpful to share what action you will take as a result of the feedback. Unless it is clear to me, I usually share that I will consider the feedback and decide how best to act on it.
- Do a self-reflection before your reaction – even if you disagree with the feedback. You may get the revelation of a personal blind spot. During that step, consider the motive behind it and the context it was shared. It’s also important to consider how it’s aligned with your mission. For example, if someone shared you are too outspoken and should tone it down, but you have been on an improvement plan to become more outspoken versus passive, then mission accomplished.
- Close the door with excellence. It’s helpful to close the loop with the feedback giver by sharing what actions you took, even if the action was simply to consider the feedback. This encourages even more quality feedback and respect.
These steps enable a leader to model wisdom and humility, which is the foundation of Servant Leadership. This approach will increase a team’s trust and respect for the leader and improve their organization’s performance.
Some leaders, like Susan mentioned above, find it difficult to accept negative feedback.
Signs that a Leader Struggles with Feedback
There are warning signs that indicate a leader is struggling to accept negative feedback. That leader may or may not be aware of it.
- Defensiveness. That’s when a person tries to shift blame or responds to feedback by being defensive and tries to justify their actions to the problem.
- Unwillingness to Change. It is clear that feedback is falling on death ears when someone does not alter course after repeated feedback.
- Avoidance Tactic. Shutting down a person trying to give them feedback, changing the conversation, or avoiding the conversation is a warning bell that a leader is not willing to accept the feedback.
- Retaliation. That’s when a leader penalizes a team member for giving them negative feedback. This can be the most consequential indicator of a leader who is unwilling to accept feedback because it directly impacts team members.
This is a good place for me to reflect on whether I consistently handle negative feedback well. Do I demonstrate any of these warning signs when receiving feedback? What about you?
Accepting feedback is not about whether we agree or disagree with it, but has everything to do with our mindset and response. A growth mindset will help us harness any beneficial nuggets from the feedback, and a positive response will cause logic to override any negative emotions at that moment.
Influential leaders know that accepting negative feedback is a powerful tool for leadership excellence. Their approach is a genuine desire to grow and foster a culture of growth in their organizations. They also recognize that the more they accept feedback, the less likely they are to venture or stray from the desired path.
Empowered Leader Reflection
What is your general response to someone giving you negative feedback that you are not aligned with?
Would you share your thoughts with us below?
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