How to Respond Effectively to Hostile Communication – Part 2
You are on the receiving end of an uncivilized communication that causes the hair on your neck to stand at attention. You gulp as you feel your emotions rise at an exponential rate. What you do in the next few seconds or hours is not easy (trust me) but could either propel your growth trajectory or hinder a future blessing.
If you apply a simple acronym I learned through experience, you will increase your probability of handling any hostile communication in a civilized and effective way.
The acronym is STAR:
1. Stop
2. Think
3. Ask
4. Respond
The first two steps, Stop and Think, were covered in How to Respond Effectively to Hostile Communication – Part 1. It is important to 1) intentionally “stop” emotionally and mentally, and 2) “think” of the right next steps. Fight every fiber of your being which is driving you to react impulsively!
Ask
The third step is to ask questions; whether you have a couple of seconds or a couple of days.
Questions get the mind working, and can bring clarity to a misunderstood situation. Questions communicate respect and your willingness to listen. Strategic questions can diffuse a potentially volatile confrontation.
Don’t stifle your blessing because it looks like a disagreement.
Ask Yourself
Question yourself before you react. Ask yourself: How important will this be to me one day, one week, or a year from now? What impact does this issue have on my spiritual life or livelihood? My personal acid test question is: Will I reflect Christ in my response?
Ask Your Aggressor
Question the aggressor. I sometimes ask: What would you like to get out of this? Also, instead of a harsh rebuttal, ask a question like: Would you help me understand your interesting perspective?
Ask God
Your most important question is to God. What if that person is the key to opening doors to your future success? What if that person was placed in your life to help you grow and develop? Don’t stifle your blessing because it looks like a disagreement. A servant leader’s question you can ask is, Lord, would you reveal to me if this person is hurting or confused and just incorrect acting it out? How can I help? It’s hard to pray for someone and not have compassion for them.
Why are these questions important? They put you in a better position to make an effective response.
Respond
The last step is to respond.
As a leader, your response can take one of many forms:
Empathetic Response
Leadership from your heart enables you to see from another person’s perspective. If they are hurting, stressed, or frustrated, for example, park your ego, and respond in a way that can help their emotional instability.
A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, but harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.
(Prov. 15:1 AMP)
Passionate Response
Some situations (like dealing with a bully) call for a controlled, passionate response. If you choose to push back, never attack the person’s character or integrity. Exercise restraint, address the situation, then move on.
Strategic Response
Some situations are more impactful on you or your team and may require a crucial conversation. This demands a delayed response. It may even require a mediator; aka, Human Resources. Your response requires careful planning, preparation, and the right setting to ensure the best outcome for all involved.
Quiet Response (Walk Away)
Every negative comment or confrontation hurled at you does not deserve a direct response. Exceptional leaders take the high road, which in some cases means walking away. This does not signify weakness or cowardliness, but rather self-control and self-confidence.
If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
(Rom 12:18 AMP)
Your objective should always be to communicate. If you are speaking and no one is listening, you are only having a linguistic exercise. It’s time to be a STAR.
- Stop yourself from a potentially irrational response.
- Think about what the right action should be.
- Ask yourself and the person questions to diffuse and redirect the situation.
- Respond appropriately, and from your heart.
Empowered Leader Reflection
What does it mean to you, “Don’t stifle your blessing because it looks like a disagreement?”
