Winning The Game of Unwritten Rules

Everyone must navigate rules, both the written and unwritten. No one is exempt from this challenge. However, not everyone knows how to effectively handle the unwritten rules and succeed in that aspect of workplace dynamics.

What are unwritten rules? They’re undocumented guidelines understood by a social or professional group that members adhere to without being explicitly told to do so. Sometimes referred to as unspoken rules, these guidelines are not only unwritten but are also rarely openly discussed.

Unwritten rules can be found in various contexts: at home (e.g., don’t share our family matters outside the house), in society (e.g., give up your seat for the elderly on the bus), and at work (e.g., allow your boss to have the last word).

In many cases, we follow these unwritten rules instinctively because they often reflect the right course of action. See if you have experienced and can nod in agreement to the following examples of unwritten rules.

Wholesome Unwritten Rules of Life

1. No drama at a wedding or funeral.

2. If someone gives you their phone to look at a photo, do not scroll left or right.

3. Give up your seat to the elderly.

4. Don’t ask for someone’s last piece of gum.

5. Be considerate and do not use your speaker phone in a public space with others, like on a bus, in an elevator, or a doctor’s waiting room.

6. Don’t expect or ask a friend to discount a product in their business for you.

Wholesome Unwritten Rules at Work

1. Don’t reheat fishy food in the office microwave oven.

2. Never answer a stupid question like it’s a stupid question.

3. No bad news on Fridays, unless it cannot wait until the next business day.

4. Be professional AND be personable.

5. Be early.

6. Respect the new employees. One might be your future superior.

I’m sure you nodded in agreement to most, if not all, of the lists above. Great! But hold on… there’s more to consider.

We may choose to break unwritten rules or comply with them.  Breaking some may be inconsequential. However, breaking certain unwritten rules can weigh heavily on your conscience, and may even earn you a look of disapproval from those nearby. Additionally, there are other rules that, if broken, can lead to significant negative consequences.

As a leader aspiring to greatness, understanding the implications of breaking unwritten workplace rules is crucial, as the penalties can be severe and may jeopardize your success. For example, failing to build strategic relationships can hinder your ability to climb the corporate ladder effectively.

The Game of Unwritten Rules

You must understand and act on workplace unwritten rules if you want to be successful. But winning with unwritten rules at work can be like playing a secret game. First, you must be aware of them and then learn to leverage them. That’s easier said than done for some of us.

Many women and underrepresented professionals, like people of color and people with disabilities, usually face a double-edged sword. On one hand, compliance with these rules may not result in the expected rewards. On the other hand, breaking these unwritten rules may result in lasting consequences.

There is a solution to that challenge. It’s used by successful women and minority professionals. That is, to Bend Around the unwritten rule.  Bending around an unwritten rule means creative compliance.

Here’s an example. A corporate unwritten rule says you need to be assertive at work. However, when many women assert themselves, they are told they’re too aggressive or bossy. Bending that rule means creatively demonstrating quiet confidence or soft assertiveness without coming across as confrontational and avoiding the stereotypes.

Don’t underestimate the impact of soft assertiveness. Just ask any husband who knows his wife’s assertive look of disapproval – while she’s smiling and without saying a single word – from 50 yards away!

Another workplace unwritten rule says you must promote (advertise) your personal results. However, when minorities do so, they’re often told they’re bragging. Communicating your results creatively and through others will bend around that unwritten rule.

My newly released book, Bending Around Unwritten Rules – Navigation Tactics for Women and Underrepresented Professionals, dives into the mechanics of what I refer to as creative compliance, which is the outcome of bending around unwritten rules. It will teach you how to overcome the challenges you may face with unwritten rules, and how to win at the corporate game and improve your career trajectory. Pick up your print version or Kindle eBook today from Amazon.

Empowered Leader Reflection

Which unwritten rule do you have the most challenge with at work, and how do you bend around it to improve your probability of success?  

Would you share your experience with unwritten rules with us below?